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please grab!
 
 
A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn't work.The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special. All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"

The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he could help. She explained that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.

Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"

The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase. She replied, "Because I like my tits grabbed when I'm getting screwed!"

actual instruction labels...
 
 
  • ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
    Warning keep out of children.
  • ON A HAIR DRYER:
    Do not use while sleeping.
  • ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
    You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
  • ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
    Directions: Use like regular soap.
  • ON A FROZEN DINNER:
    Serving suggestion: Defrost.
  • ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
    Fits one head.
  • ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
    Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
  • ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
    Product will be hot after heating.
  • ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
    Do not iron clothes on body.
  • ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE:
    Do not drive car or operate machinery.
  • ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
    Warning: may cause drowsiness.
  • ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
    For indoor or outdoor use only.
  • ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
    Not to be used for the other use.
  • ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
    Warning: contains nuts.
  • ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
    Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
  • ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
    Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
carrots
 
 
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
culture shock
 
 
Two immigrants arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between the Old Country and the U.S. One of them says that he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"What part did you get?"

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