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vetoed valentine promotions
 
 
Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect opportunity for marketing departments the world over to romance investors and donors with Valentine-themed promotions! Here are some that didn't quite make it off the drawing board:

Nevada State Tourism Board
"Nothing Says I LOVE YOU Like Legalized Prostitution and Gambling" T-shirts, baseball caps, and coffee mugs.

Ku Klux Klan
* Valentine's Day Heart Burning, co-sponsored by Alka Seltzer

Vatican Public Relations Office
* "Naughty Altar Boy" limited edition ceramic figurine

American Heart Association
* Chocolate heart with marshallow-filled arteries. Simultaneously a touching token of love and a serious warning to an overweight sweetheart.

Daughters of the American Revolution
* Illustrated Kama Sutra featuring George and Martha Washington. Comes with authentic period wooden dental dam.

PETA
* Spray Paint a Red Heart on Joan Rivers' Coat Competition

National Society of Organ Donors
* "My Heart Belongs to You (As Soon As I'm Brain Dead)" cards.

Department of Homeland Security
* Moving the Valentine's Day National Warning System Code Red for a "High Risk of Lovin'"

chin nuts
 
 
Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?

A: Wallnuts

Q: What do you call nuts on your chest?

A: Chest nuts

Q: What do you call nuts on your chin?

A: A penis in your mouth

barbie's christmas beau
 
 
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."

practice makes perfect
 
 
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

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