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bush declares war on bird flu
 
 
Saying that "America must take a preemptive approach to the War on Bird Flu," President Bush launched a nuclear attack on Turkey today. He said the Canary Islands are next...
leg talk
 
 
What did one guy's leg say to the other?

“Look at Shorty—he's growing a beard!”

it's quittin' time
 
 
A guy went to the doctor to quit smoking, and the doctor gave him a nicotine patch, which he promptly put on his penis. A couple of weeks, he came back to the doctor's.

"How's it going?" the doctor asked him.

"Great," he replied. "I haven't had a butt in weeks."

smartass record shop
 
 
A lady walks into the local record store.

"Do you have Jingle Bells on the old 12 inch?" she asks.

"No, but I've got dangling balls and a 7-inch," says the smartass behind the counter. The lady thinks for a second.

"Is that a record?"

"I think so. I'm only 14."


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