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ghost arrest
Q:Why was the ghost arrested?

A:Because it had no haunting license!!'

the hippie and the spice rack
With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up at the local casualty ward and a hippie is wheeled out on a gurney. The doctor questions his long-haired colleagues.

'So what was he doing then?' asks the physician. 'Acid? Cannabis?'

'Sort of,' replies one of the hippies, nervously thumbing his caftan. 'But we ran out of gear, so I skinned up a homemade spliff.'

'And what was in that?' asks the doctor.

'Um, I kind of raided my girlfriend's spice rack.' says the hippie. 'There was a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a little paprika.'

'Well, that explains it,' the doctor replies, looking at them gravely. 'He is in a Korma.'

Q: Why is a bathroom called a “rest room?”

A: Because when you pee you go, “AHHHHH!”
that darn cat
There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.

He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.

The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks.

As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.

The moral of the story don't lose your head over a piece of tail!

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