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mr. phillard's twins
One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.

"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids."

"What! My brother, the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them?"

"He named your daughter Denise."

"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"

"He named your son Denephew."

lightbulb... actors
How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

30 -- one to screw in the light bulb and 29 other actors to watch him and say, 'I could've done it better.'

you might be ghetto
You might be ghetto if your phone's in your baby's name!
you're so dirty
What's long, hard, and full of seamen?

A submarine!

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