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halloween treats for the dead
 
 
What did the ghost get for Halloween?

Some Booo-T

fresh meat
 
 
One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty dollars to buy meat.
"Are you crazy?" says the husband, who pulls her over to a mirror. "Let me show you something? This twenty-dollar bill is mine. The one in the mirror is yours. Get it?" The wife nods. The next day, the husband returns home to find a freezer full of meat. Angry, he asks his wife about it. She pulls him over to the mirror and lifts up her skirt.
"See the one in the mirror? That's yours. This one is the butcher's."
never seen a priest
 
 
An old man from a far off land was once on the subway in New York and he sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar.

Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"

The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered, "I wear this collar because I am a Father".

The old man thought a second and responded, "Sir I am also a Father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"

The priest thought for a minute and said, "Sir, I am the father for many."

The old man quickly answered, "I too am the father of many. I have four sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But I wear my collar like everyone else does.

"Why do you wear it your way?"

The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out, "Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people."

The old man from the far-away country was taken aback and was silent for a long time.

As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards."

botched robbery
 
 
Two guys are committing a robbery. One of them is inside getting the money, the other is waiting in the getaway car. The man in the car is nervous because his partner hasn't come out yet.
Finally, the doors of the bank burst open... out comes the partner, lugging a large safe tied up with a rope. As they are getting in the car, the doors to the bank burst open a second time. The security guard comes out. His pants are around his ankles, and he is shooting his gun at the two men in the car.
The man who was in the getaway car starts yelling at his partner: “I knew you'd mess up! You always mess up! I told you to BLOW the SAFE and TIE UP the GUARD!”

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