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keep it on the dl
 
 
What does a old posty bike and a fat girl have in common?
Their fun to ride until your friends find out.
pre-paid plan
 
 
A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!

She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"

The fireman says, "No!"

The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

a little help from the shakes
 
 
There was a 40 year old man called Ian, and he had a girlfriend, Edna, who was 80 years old. They only saw each other on Saturdays. He would go to Edna's house every Saturday, without fail. They would sit down next to each other and Edna would hold Ian's penis, then Ian would go home after so long.

One week Ian never turned up, but Edna thought nothing of it. Three more weeks went by, and again Ian never turned up. By this time Edna was very concerned about him. She phoned him up and asked, "Where have you been the last four Saturdays?"

Ian replied, "I have been round at Margret's house."

Shocked Edna shouted, "MARGRET? She is 98 years old, what the hell has she got that I haven't?"
Ian answered, "Parkinson's desease!"

benifits of being an athiest
 
 
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. The religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts.

However, the atheist's had a good life. An excellent, well-payed job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious man's job was stressful and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day ,and his kids were obnoxious, and non loving.

So one day, while deep into his regular prayer, he looked towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

A great voice bellowed out from above, "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"


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