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pickles mating with deer, mass hysteria
 
 
What do you get when you cross a pickle and a female deer?

A dildo!
southern minister pours the liquor
 
 
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And finally, he cried, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.

After a few moments, the song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."

dinner's ready!
 
 
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."

The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."

liar sermon
 
 
A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, 'Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark'.

On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said, 'Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands.'

Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.

Then said the preacher, 'You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark.'

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