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yo daddy's so dumb... court
Yo daddy is so dumb that he went to court and when the judge said, "Order in the court!" he said, "Let me get an order of chicken wings and french fries."
a father's last request
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

signs you're too fat for your pants
  1. You've lost the feeling below your ankles.
  2. When you walk you have to waddle like a duck, so you fabricate a story about a knee-injury to dismiss curious onlookers.
  3. When you wake up in the morning you can still see the impression of where your keys were in your pants pocket the night before.
  4. The last time you tried to retrieve your wallet from your back pocket you lost a finger.
  5. Your farts take up to three-and-a-half minutes from start to finish, and produce the sound frequency of a dog whistle.
  6. People ask you questions like, "Are you a professional scuba diver, or do you just wear the gear?"
  7. The last time you sat down, the top button of your pants snapped off with the speed of a hunting rifle, injuring a co-worker.
  8. It takes you forty-five minutes to put them on, even with the aid of a small crane and a power winch.
  9. When you ask for an honest opinion, your spouse tells you your pants look great.
  10. Your name is Al Roker.
mmm...smells good
What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
They can smell it but they cant eat it!!

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