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how do you know the toothbrush was invented...
 
 
How do you know the Toothbrush was invented by a redneck?

Because it would have been named a Teethbrush if someone else had.

me talk pretty
 
 
Three men, an American, an Arab, and a Chinese man are in a 7-eleven when a robber storms in. The robber points his gun at the American and says, If you think of a sentence with pink, green and yellow in it, I won't kill you. The American, mumbles something and gives up so the robber shoots him. The Arab doesn't know what to say and also gets shot. The robber then looks at the Chinese man who frantically says, "My phone go 'green, green', I 'pink' it up, and I say, 'yellow, yellow'"
don't leave 'em hanging
 
 
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

new york state of mind
 
 
Do you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

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