Whatever jokes

1. You've lost the feeling below your ankles.
2. When you walk you have to waddle like a duck, so you fabricate a story about a knee-injury to dismiss curious onlookers.
3. When you wake up in the morning you can still see the impression of where your keys were in your pants pocket the night before.
4. The last time you tried to retrieve your wallet from your back pocket you lost a finger.
5. Your farts take up to three-and-a-half minutes from start to finish, and produce the sound frequency of a dog whistle.
6. People ask you questions like, "Are you a professional scuba diver, or do you just wear the gear?"
7. The last time you sat down, the top button of your pants snapped off with the speed of a hunting rifle, injuring a co-worker.
8. It takes you forty-five minutes to put them on, even with the aid of a small crane and a power winch.
9. When you ask for an honest opinion, your spouse tells you your pants look great.
10. Your name is Al Roker.

'Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!'

'Not now! I'm eating.'

'Oh come on!' said the rabbit. 'It's really important.'

'No way.'

'Please. It's urgent.'

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

'Well, rabbit,' he panted. 'What did you want to tell me?'

'Hey, Teddy,' the rabbit began, 'look how many berries are on the other side of the river.'

'Why not? ' She asks.

'Well, he has been around a bit and has picked up some colorful language, and you did say that you have a family,' he replied.

'Well, my girls are old enough and they've heard it all. Just let me see him.'

The clerk finally agrees to show the lady the parrot and she insists on purchasing it right away. When she got home she covered the cage with a towel and went to get dinner ready for the family.

When she uncovered the cage, 'Brawkk!' said the parrot, looking around. 'New place. New Madam. Morning Madam.'

'Uh, morning parrot,' she said and then went to make breakfast. A few minutes later her daughters game down stairs, dressed and ready for school.

'Brawkk! New place. New Madam. New Girls. Morning Girls.'

'Morning Parrot,' they replied and went to help their mother get breakfast ready. Soon the man of the house came down unshaven and in his bathrobe.

'Brawkk! New place. New Madam. New Girls. Same old customers. Morning Phil!'