Whatever jokes

"How many customers did you serve today?" the manager asked.

"One," replied the new guy.

"Only one?" said the boss. "How much was the sale?"

The salesman answered, "$58,334."

Flabbergasted, the manager asked him to explain.

"First I sold a man a fishhook," the salesman said. "Then I sold him a rod and a reel. Then I asked where he was planning to fish, and he said down by the coast. So I suggested he'd need a boat - he bought that 20-foot runabout. When he said his Volkswagen might not be able to pull it, I took him to the automotive department and sold him a big SUV."

The amazed boss asked, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?"

"No," the new salesman replied. "He actually came in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife's migraine. I told him, "Your weekend's shot. You should probably go fishing."

The gatekeeper at the gate to heaven says, 'There are too many people in heaven so you have to pass this quiz to get in.'

Forrest Gump says, 'Okay.'

The gatekeeper says, 'First question: What two days of the week begin with T?'

Gump replies, 'That's easy. Today and tommorrow.'

The gatekeeper says, 'Well, I didn't think of that so I'll give it to you.

Second question: How many seconds are in a year?'

Gump says, '12, January 2nd, February 2nd...'

The gatekeeper says, 'That wasn't what I was thinking, but I'll give it to you.

Last question: What is God's first name?'

Gump replies, 'Howard.'

The gatekeeper says, 'How on earth did you get Howard?'

Gump says, 'It's common sense. Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.'