Whatever jokes

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want!"

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want!"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

    If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it.  This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet.

    It will re-write your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.

    It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles.

    It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on  your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

    It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.

    It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

    It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.  Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened criminal.

    It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.

    It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their dates and rendezvous to your Visa card. Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.

    It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub it will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole.

    It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

    It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.  These are just a few signs.

Be very, very afraid.

Soap on a dope!