Whatever jokes

Shocked, the other nuns said, 'And then what?!'

'He pulled his pants down,' the nun replied.

'And then what?!' cried the unbelieving nuns.

'And then I ran,' she said. 'After all, a nun with her dress up can run much faster than a man with his pants down.'

The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes.

Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife, and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause.

Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked, "Has anyone got a friggin' match?"

1. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
2. What happens if you get scared to death twice?
3. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
4. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
5. If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
8. If Superman is so smart, why does he wear underpants over his trousers?
9. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
10. Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?