Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 405

Whatever


how to sell lawnmowers
 
 

A young man just got a new job running the register at a store. The old-timer said he would teach him how to sell things. "Watch how I do it" he said to the new hire as a man came up to the counter.

The customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter. The old-timer then said to him "You know when you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut that grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need to get a new mower, sure I'll take one."

After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A man then stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman then said, "You know you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that."

The man then asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "Well," he said, "It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass!"

protons
 
 
What do you call a proton with big hair?

A 'froton.

if ever you're choking...
 
 
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm."
do you have a light?
 
 
Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man's face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.

'What do you want?' he asked.

'Do you have any tobacco?' asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.

'Go faster!' said the passenger. 'I don't want to see him again!' So the driver pushed the spedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.

'Do you have a light?' said the old man's face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.

'Drive faster!' said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. 'What do you want from us?' screamed the passenger.

The old man gently replied 'You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?'


Page 406 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»