Whatever jokes

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eye rubbers
 
 
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?

Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

last things you wanna hear from a cop
 
 
10) This doesn't look anything like you...

9) I'm sorry, but our records says this car was stolen.

8) I'm going to have to search your car.

7) I'm going to need backup.

6) What's in that plastic bag?!

5) What's that I smell in that cigar?!

4) The last time I checked, those guns weren't legal

3) What was that you threw out of the window?

2) Please step out of the car

1)You are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent...
no returns
 
 
I don't know where you got your face from, but i hope you have the receipt.
panda bear
 
 
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.


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