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brooms & carrotsticks
 
 
Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom
'This is a magic broom -- point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die.' Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out.
'Don't worry.' said the man issuing them out. 'I will give you this magic carrot -- point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle with a broom and carrot, when the sirens go off, signaling invasion. Bob goes out, only to be laughed at by the enemy. One enemy even comes up to him, hoping to get a good shot at him. Well, Bob didn't have anything to lose so he pointed at him and said 'Bangity bangity bang!' and the guy fell down dead. He did the same thing with the magic carrot. Amazed at what was happening, he continued to fight. Then, a guy came slowly up to him and he would not die. Bob tried to shoot and stab him, but he wouldn't die. The last words poor Bob heard as he was being trampled over were 'Tankity tankity tank.'
the chinese workman
 
 
A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.

The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. 'So have you done the work then?' he asks.

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

genie-us
 
 
A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic lamp with a genie inside.The genie told him he would grant him three wishes. The man's first wish was to get out of the pit.

**POOF**

He then wished for all the gold in the world.

**POOF**

The man could not think of anything for his third wish so he bought a Ferrari with some of his gold. As he was driving in his new car, he turned on the radio began to sing along with his favorite advertising jingle: 'Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener...'

**POOF**

women rock
 
 
What do women and rocks have in common?

You skip the flat ones


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