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the jewish vote
 
 
I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president.

He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years."

bill and hillary
 
 
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me, I said throw out the first pitch."
helen keller feller
 
 
Why didn't anybody hear Helen Keller scream when she fell off of the cliff?
She was wearing mittens.
helisoft
 
 
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."


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