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work blows
What's the difference between a wife and a job?

After ten years the job still sucks!

the legend of the trids
There once was this group of strange beings called Trids. The Trids were only about a foot long, and the lived in a valley next to a hill. Every day they would climb the hill to gather berries and other plant foods.

At the top of the hill lived an Ogre that always kicked the Trids down the hill.

Finally, the leader of the Trids called a local Rabbi to come help them get food and to talk to the ogre. The Rabbi stood behind a tree on the hill and watched the Trids climb up the hill.

All was fine, until the Ogre popped out of a cave and one-by-one kicked the screaming Trids down the hill.

The Rabbi scaled the hill and asked the hideous creature why he kept kicking the Trids.

The Ogre looked over at the Rabbi and simply replied, 'Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids.' '
There was this woman who wanted bigger boobs. So she prayed to God and prayed and prayed, and eventually she got an answer -- God told her that every time someone said 'pardon me' to her, her boobs would get a little bit bigger. So she was in the grocery store and someone bumped into her and said 'pardon me' and her boobs got bigger. Then she was in the parking lot and someone hit her car and they said 'pardon me' and her boobs got a little bigger. That night this lady was in a restaurant, and a waiter tripped over her and spilled his food everywhere. He said 'Oh, excuse me! A thousand pardons.'
The next morning the headline in the newspaper was: 'Waiter killed by torpedos.'
Q: What do you call a bunch of gay guys standing on line?
A: Fruit by the foot.

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