Whatever jokes

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piercing a pirate
 
 
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

A buccaneer.
the mystery of the thermos
 
 
A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man who was the last person in the county to have lived through the Civil War. Thinking he had a story, the reporter started asking some questions. "Sir, you have lived through the civil war and two world wars. You have seen the invention of the automobile and the airplane. In all of your days, what would you say is the single most interesting thing you have seen in all of your days?"

The man replied, "The Thermos."

Puzzled, the reporter asked, "Why?"

"Well," the old man responded, "when you put something hot in it, it keeps it hot. When you put something cold in it, it keeps it cold... HOW DOES IT KNOW?"

do you have any nuts? no?
 
 
This one girl walks into a grocery store and asks the clerk if he has any nuts. The clerk says, 'No, ma'am'. She says, 'Well, do you have any dates?' And he says, 'Ma'am if I had any nuts I would have dates.'
polar bears really like peas
 
 
How do you catch a polar bear?

You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.


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