Whatever jokes

She heard the drinks were on the house.

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.

They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.

Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page...

WHICH TIRE? (95 points)

1. you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
2. you sleep with your eyes open.
3. you have to watch videos in fast-foward.
4. the only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
5. you can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without the timer.
6. you've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
7. your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
8. you chew on other people's fingernails.
9. the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
10. you can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
11. you can jump-start your car without cables.
12. you don't sweat, you percolate.
13. you walk twenty miles on your tread mill before you realize it's not plugged in.
14. you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
15. you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
16. instant coffee takes too long.
17. you channel surf faster without a remote.
18. you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
19. you short out motion detectors.
20. you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
21. you help your dog chase its tail.
22. you soak your dentures in coffee.
23. your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee and an IV hook-up.
24. you get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
25. you answer the door before people knock.