Whatever jokes

First , George Bush said , "I wish I had an army of a million tanks to wipe out Saddam Hussein's army and free the people of Iraq! I also wish I had a fleet of a million oil tankers , to take his oil supplies when I'm done !"

The Genie granted the Chief Executive his wish .

"Ha !" Saddam retorted . "You won't defeat me so easily ! I wish there was an impregnable wall around all of Iraq , so no Iranians , Israelis or infidel Westerners may enter ! I also wish to be transported safely back to my palace in Baghdad !"

And with that , the Genie did his bidding , and Saddam vanished in a puff of smoke .

This left only General Cosgrove .

"Well , first of all ," said the good General ,"tell me about this wall ."

"Well , it's higher than any aeroplane can fly and thicker than any explosive can penetrate ," replied the Genie . "There are no entrances or exits . Basically , nothing can get in or out ."

"Right ," replied Cosgrove . "Fill it with water ."

"No! I'm just resting!" said the drunk man in a lazy voice.

"Oh, is that so? Well, if your not drunk, what time is it?"

The drunk man raised his arm, as if to point at something, and raised the other arm to cross the first arm over and said, "It's 12:43!"

"Amazing!" said the policeman. "How did you do that?"

"Hee hee, magic!" he said in a drunk voice. The policeman was puzzled and asked the drunk man again how he did it.

"Oh ok! Don't push me!" he said. "I'll tell you how I did it only if you sit with me in this puddle."

" What? No, I'm not sitting in that puddle." said the policeman.

" OK, then you will not learn my secret."

So the policeman stepped in the puddle, and sat down near the drunk man. "OK, I'm in the puddle, now tell me

"Well, turn to face that way, and look at that very large building," He pointed, " Do you see it?"

"Ya I see it, so what?" Said the policeman.
"Well, then I bet that you see that the building is Big Ben."

Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??"

"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts."

"The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yes," replies the waiter, "…they're complimentary."