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a lonely jew in catholic school
 
 
A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school.

While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents ask him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?"

He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"

that's cheesy
 
 
Q: Why did the mouse go to the party?

A: He heard they were playing Parcheesi!

death by mexican
 
 
An infamous killer is on death row.

He is allowed one last meal an hour before he dies.

So the guy asks if he can have his favorite food. He wants Mexican.

The guards give him what he wants.

An hour goes by and it is time for his death.

One guard asks if he had any last words.

The guy replies, "Yeah...pull my finger."

the perfect husband
 
 
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

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