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the end is near
A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

lighten it up
Q: Why do fireflies light up while they are having sex?

A: Because they are so turned-on!
q: how do crazy people go through the ...
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?

A: They take the psycho path.

death by mexican
An infamous killer is on death row.

He is allowed one last meal an hour before he dies.

So the guy asks if he can have his favorite food. He wants Mexican.

The guards give him what he wants.

An hour goes by and it is time for his death.

One guard asks if he had any last words.

The guy replies, "Yeah...pull my finger."

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