Whatever jokes

How does one human embryo talk to another human embryo?

It uses a stem cell phone!

Why did the calf cross the street?

To get to the udder side.

Every Time A Bell Rings, An Angel...

* Spit-polishes his halo
* Buys a maxi-pad with wings
* Drops out of a so-called "Choir of Angels" because that's really just a place for a bunch of diva show-offs to shine sunbeams up God's butt
* Orders a plate of "Hades Hot" Buffalo wings
* Drinks a little too much of Junior's blood and falls off a cloud
* Listens to Paul McCartney sing with his band "Wings"
* Takes a heavenly crap
* Decides to reveal the Lord's majesty to the masses by appearing on some aluminum siding in east Texas
* Obeys his Pavlovian conditioning, and barks like a dog
* Sits down for dinner
* Prank calls the miserable whiners in Hell
* Gets his union card
* Takes the fruitcake out of the oven
* Gets his wings ripped from his back, so they can be given to a more angelic and deserving angel
* Tells a mortal, "Oh c'mon, jump already! I don't got all day!"

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. and now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Desperate
********************************************
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package,while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGH! T YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. WAV files. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech! Support