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the homeless couple and the priest
 
 
This priest was driving to his church when he saw two people bending over in the grass. He decided to see why. He walked over to them and asked what they were doing. The man said they were homeless and grass was the only thing they could eat. The priest said, 'You can eat over at the church.' The woman said, 'We have nine children -- will there be enough?' 'Oh yes, ' the priest replied, 'the grass is 2 1/2 inches taller over there.'
programmer guffaws
 
 
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware problem!
ham and sex
 
 
The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying across the ocean when the plane developed engine trouble. Everyone was doomed. The priest turned to the rabbi and said, "Before I die there's something that I would like to know. You being Jewish and all -- have you ever tasted ham?"

"Well," the rabbi laughed, "sure I've tasted ham. But tell me father, before we die -- could you tell me if you have ever made love to a woman?"

The priest blushed and said, "There was this one time I gave in and made love to a woman."

The rabbi looked at the priest and said, "Beats the hell out of ham, don't it?"

your dandruff
 
 
Your dandruff is so bad the principal had to call a snow day!

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