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top ten surreal, scary, or stupid situations
  1. Remake of "Roots" starring Michael Jackson
  2. Performance of "The Nutcracker" by the Bolshoi Ballet with special guest Hillary Clinton
  3. The Martha Stewart WWF Smackdown
  4. Any sitcom starring Emeril Lagasse
  5. Jerry Falwell napping with a Teletubby stuffed toy
  6. Any day in the life of the British royalty
  7. Ricky Martin in a tasteful, hot pink, off-the-shoulder number
  8. Bill Gates on a Harley Davidson
  9. Yet another commercial starring Carrot Top
  10. Osama bin Laden in a Christian Science bookstore
A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet, and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.

When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.

'Aaron, The carpet lookes wonderful!' she exclaimed. 'Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, and by the way, have you seen my gerbil?'

gorilla in a tree
As he is quietly watching television at home, a man hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it is a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly calls up the local zoo autorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovering unit is on the way and to remain calm. A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver takes from the back of the truck a chihuahua dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun. Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this. As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains the plan: 'First I'll climb up there with the ladder, then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat; As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuahua dog will attack its private parts. When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered its hands to its groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs. Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo...' Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner asks why he was handed the .12 gauge shotgun? 'Well... ' explains the experienced gorilla retriever, 'It's just a precaution should things not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat, shoot the dog.'
low blow
Do you take offense when someone blows in your hair?

What about a midget?

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