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tarzan's last words
 
 
Q: What were Tarzan's last words?

A: Who greased the viiiiiiiine?

a little lysdexic humor
 
 
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

big red
 
 
A Russian couple were walking down a street in Moscow one night when the man felt a drop hit his nose.

"I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No that felt like snow to me, dear," she replied.

"No I'm sure it was just rain," he said. They were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a minor communist party official walking towards them.

"Let's not fight about it," the man said. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether its officially raining or snowing." As the man approached the husband said:

"Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course" he replied and walked on. But the woman insisted.

"I know that felt like snow!"

To which the man quietly said, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

shoplifting
 
 
A man walks into a music store and wants to buy a good, old-fashioned vinyl record. He gets the record and is ready to check out when he discovers that he forgot his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decides to steal the record. So he sticks it down his pants.

Of course, the cashier spots him on the way out and says, "Hey! Is that a record in your pants?"

The man replies, "Well, it may not be a record but I haven't heard any complaints."


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