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in the groove
A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and orders a cheeseburger.

"But make sure to make it not too well done, not too rare, but just in the groove." The waiter is a little annoyed at this, but serves him the burger.

"Waiter!" the hippie says after a little bit. "Could I get a cup of tea? Not too weak, not too strong, but just in the groove." More annoyed now, the waiter contemplates pissing in the tea, but doesn't.

"Waiter!" the hippies says a little later. "Could I get some ice cream? Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but just in the groove."

"Wait," said the waiter. "I have another idea. How 'bout you kiss my ass? Not too much to the right, not too much to the left, but just in the groove."

windows 95
Windows 95: 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
incredible confession
The privacy partition in the confessional booth slides and an excited voice bursts through the screen: "Father, I gotta tell you what happened to me last night. I'm 90 years old, and I made love to two 18 year old women for eight hours last night!"
The stunned priest, replies incredulously, "you did WHAT!"
"I said, I'm 90 years old, and I made love to two eighteen year old women last night for eight hours."
The stern father replies, "boy, I've been waiting all my life for a guy like you. I'm gonna give you a penance like you'll never forget."
To which the voice replies, "Father, you can't give me a penance."
"Why not?" asks the man of the cloth.
"Because I'm Jewish," claims the voice.
The perplexed Father asks, "then why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"
i didn't do it!
Two robbers are talking in their shared jail cell:

'What are you in for?'

'I'm here for something I did not do!'

'So you are innocent? What did you do?'

'I did not run fast enough!'

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