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why e-mail is like a penis
 
 

Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call "E-Mail Envy."

It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species.

Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

If you play with it too much, you could go blind.

the homeless couple and the priest
 
 
This priest was driving to his church when he saw two people bending over in the grass. He decided to see why. He walked over to them and asked what they were doing. The man said they were homeless and grass was the only thing they could eat. The priest said, 'You can eat over at the church.' The woman said, 'We have nine children -- will there be enough?' 'Oh yes, ' the priest replied, 'the grass is 2 1/2 inches taller over there.'
ocean highway hijinx
 
 
A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp with a genie. The genie promises to grant him whatever wish he wants.
"Okay," says the man, "I would like a highway across the oceans."
"Hrm," says the genie. "Is there anyway you could wish for something smaller?"
"How 'bout three Polish women with IQs over 90?"
"How many lanes do you want for your highway?"
wife's work on the sly
 
 
A man hails a taxi, and gets inside.

"5th and Main, please."

"You again?" says the taxi driver. "This is the 4th time I've dropped you and your wife off at work."

"Really? My wife doesn't work."

"Yes, she does. I drop her off there everyday, about an hour after I drive you to work."

"There?"

"Behind the Tillman & Lane department store."

"Interesting," says the man. "Tell you what. Pick me up in two hours, and I want you to show me where my wife works." So two hours later, the taxi arrives and takes the man to whorehouse behind Tillman & Lane.

"Hold on," said the driver. "I'll be right back."

There's a huge commotion after the driver goes in, with cursing and screaming and the sounds of breaking furniture. The driver comes out with a woman in a headlock.

"That's not my wife!" exclaims the man.

"I know. She's mine. I'm going back in for yours."


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