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got bath?
 
 
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."

coffee, no cream
 
 
A man walks into a coffee shop and places his order. "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The girl behind the counter says "I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
actual police quotes
 
 
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

the pope drives
 
 
The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, 'You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?'
The driver is understandably hesistant and says, 'I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that.'
But the pope persists, 'Please?'
The driver finally lets up. 'Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the pope.'
So the pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: 'Chief, I have a problem.'
Chief: 'What sort of problem?'
Cop: 'Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.'
Chief: 'Important like the mayor?'
Cop: 'No, no, much more important than that.'
Chief: 'Important like the governor?'
Cop: 'Wayyyyyy more important than that.'
Chief: 'Like the president?'
Cop: 'More.'
Chief: 'Who's more important than the president?'
Cop: 'I don't know, but he's got the pope DRIVING for him!'

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