Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 158

Whatever


wild irish ho's
 
 
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."

"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."

e-mail error
 
 
It's wise to remember how easily e-mail can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

ford manufacturing
 
 
Q: Why does Ford still manufacture cars and trucks?

A: Because they are trying to keep the towing industy alive.

hate to brag
 
 
I hate to brag, but if I was sitting on the toilet, and got the hiccups, I'd siphon the bowl dry!

Page 159 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»