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greed
 
 
There once was a man named Joe and he was talking to God and he asked, 'How much is a penny worth in heaven?'

God replied, 'One million dollars.'

Then Joe asked, 'How long is a minute in heaven?'

God said, 'One million years.'

So Joe asked for a penny and God said, 'Sure, just wait a minute.'

people in grass houses
 
 
The king of a small African nation had an elegant golden throne in his large grass hut. When an old friend came to visit from another nation, he was worried that the man would discover he was a king and treat him differently. He searched frantically for a place to hide the throne, but to no avail. Finally, he decided to have it wedged up in the ceiling of his hut. When his friend arrived, he went to the hut's opening to greet him. Just then the ceiling started to give way, and the golden throne fell on the king, killing him.
The moral of the story is this: People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones.'
ice cream lessons
 
 
Where would you learn how to make ice cream?

At Sundae school.

sobriety test
 
 
A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

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