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Whatever


eulogy
 
 
There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven when Saint Peter met them and asked, 'What would each of you like to hear your relatives or friends say at your funeral?'

The first man answered, 'I am a renowned doctor and I would love to hear someone say how I had been instrumental in saving someone's life.'

The second man replied, 'I am a family man and a school teacher. I would like to hear someone say what a great husband and father I was and that I had made a difference in some young person's life.'

The third man said, 'Wow guys, those are really great sentiments but I guess if I had my choice I would rather hear someone say, 'LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!'

donut and loaf of bread
 
 
What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?

If I had that much dough, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
greed
 
 
There once was a man named Joe and he was talking to God and he asked, 'How much is a penny worth in heaven?'

God replied, 'One million dollars.'

Then Joe asked, 'How long is a minute in heaven?'

God said, 'One million years.'

So Joe asked for a penny and God said, 'Sure, just wait a minute.'

memory loss
 
 
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years... chatting, and enjoying each other's friendship.

One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years. . .What is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't."

The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?"


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