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one of the worst jokes ever written
 
 
Q: Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

A: Because if it had four it would be a sedan!

the engineer and the frog
 
 
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want!"

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want!"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

i need glasses. do i ever
 
 
"Doctor, doctor! I need glasses!"

"You certainly do, ma'am. This is a barber shop."

genetic manipulation for good, not evil
 
 
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?
Drumsticks for everybody!

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