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a dream of jet planes
 
 
A security man has a dream that the plane his boss is supposed to take the next day is going to crash. When he wakes up he calls his boss at home and tells him. Insanely enough, the boss listens to him and decides not to take the plane.

The next day, according to the young man's words, the plane crashes. The relieved boss calls the young man to his office and gives him a reward -- and then fires him. Curious as to why he is fired, the man asks his boss. The boss replies, “You were sleeping on the job.”

ten husbands, still a virgin
 
 
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

the antenna and the tv
 
 
What did the antenna say to the TV?

'Without me, you'd be snowed in.'
come on, ride the train
 
 
If an electric train is heading north, which way would the steam be coming out?

It isn't. It's an electric train.

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