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mail order blonde
 
 
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.

"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"

Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"

Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

zen sausage
 
 
Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."
voices! voices! shut up!
 
 
A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them, she said, 'I can hear voices!'

Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, 'Jeez, she better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!'

peeping tom vs. a pickpocket
 
 
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom?

A pickpocket snatches your watch.

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