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the soldier
 
 
There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to go to war. On the first day they were lining up for guns. He was toward the end of the line and, when they got to him the supply sergeant said they didn't have any more guns, so they gave him a broom and told him to point it at people and say,"Bangitty bangitty bang!" So he thought, "Oh great, I come out here to fight for my country and they give me a broom."

Then the next day they were lining up for bayonets and he was at the back of the line again. And when they got to him, again he was told they didn't have any left, so they gave the soldier a carrot and told him to tie it to the end of his broom, stab people with it and say,'Stabitty stabitty stab.' And he thought, "Yeah great, I'm gonna go out there and get killed. Just what I always wanted."

So when they went out on the battlefield, the soldier walked out there and decided he'd at least try it out, rather than just stand there and be killed. So he went up to someone and said, "Bangitty bangitty bang!" and the guy fell over dead. So he thought, "My God! This actually works!

" He went up to another person and said, "Stabitty stabitty stab" and, again, the guy died. So he went around killing people with his broomstick and his carrot, thinking, "Wow! This is so cool!"

Then he sees this guy standing all by himself and the soldier thinks, "Easy target. I'm going to go get him." So he goes over there and says, "Bangitty bangitty bang," and nothing happens. He goes closer and doesit again and still nothing happens. So the soldier thinks, "Oh no! It must be out of bullets! But how do you reload a broom?" So he gets closer and says 'Stabbety stabbety stab.'"Stabitty stabbity stab." And still nothing happens. But then the guy he was trying to kill ran over him
! And, as he was running overthe solider, he said, "Tankitty tankitty tank."

joke joke
 
 
When's a joke like a father?

When the punchline's apparent!
dead donkey
 
 
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.
He called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him.

In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and asked what should be done. The mayor must have been having a bad day. 'Why bother me?' he asked. 'You're a clergyman. It's your job to bury the dead.'

The pastor lost his cool. 'Yes,' he snapped, 'But I thought I should at least notify the next-of-kin.'

coming to america
 
 
One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea.
"Driver? Can I drive for a while?"
"Sure," says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington -- dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off. Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car.
"We got somebody really important here," he says to his partner.
"Who is it? Is it a senator?"
"No. More important."
"The president?"
"No. More important."
"An ambassador? Who?"
"I don't know. But the Pope is his driver."

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