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adam and eve
 
 
Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates.

"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.

"Adam."

"That's correct. Enter." Soon another man came along.

"Where did Adam and Eve live?"

"Eden."

That's correct. Enter." Then Mother Theresa came along.

"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"

"Mmm, that IS a hard one."

"Enter."

hello stranger
 
 
I know I haven't known you for a very long time, and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I need it badly. I haven't had it for a very long time. I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs, and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now I have a lot of nerve, but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juice until its very dry. It has been on my mind all day and I'm not going to beat around the bush anymore. Do you have a piece of gum?
drinking buddies
 
 
Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?"

"I'm from Ireland."

"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin."

"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where in Dublin are you from?"

"The East Side."

"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where on the East Side are you from?"

"McDonagh Street."

"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."

As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"

"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender,"it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."

peeping tom vs. a pickpocket
 
 
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom?

A pickpocket snatches your watch.

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