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soccer blonde
 
 
A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

snoops's favorite weather
 
 
What's Snoop Dogg's favorite weather?

Drizzle!

thin books
 
 
World's thinnest books 20. BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno 19. HOME BUILT AIRPLANES by John Denver 18. HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL by Dan Marino 17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton 16. MY LIFE'S MEMORIES by Ronald Reagan 15. THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD by Bill Gates 14. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY - by Dennis Rodman 13. THE WILD YEARS - by Al Gore 12. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN 11. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS 10. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE 9. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES 8. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN 7. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN 6. ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE - by Ellen DeGeneres 5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE 4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES - by the EPA 3. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY 2. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O. J. Simpson And the World's Number One Shortest book... 1. MY BOOK OF MORALS - by Bill Clinton
new years resolutions you can keep..
 
 
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. 4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. 6. Drink. Drink some more. 7. Take up a new habit: smoking. 8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night. 9. Spend more time at work. 10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine. 11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. 12. Quit giving money & time to charity. 14. Start being superstitious. 15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. 16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. 17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms. 18. Personal goal: bring back disco.


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