Whatever jokes

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what do you call a monket...
 
 
What do you call a monkey lost in a desert?

Scewed

a tourist walks into a curio shop and sees ...
 
 
A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the salesmen, "How much?"

The salesman replied, "12 bucks for the rat and 100 bucks for the story."

The tourist says, "I'll just take the rat, thanks."

As soon as the tourist leaves the shop rats started crawling out of the sewers. There were a hundred rats, then a thousand, and then millions.

The tourist was running as fast as he could. He ran to the end of the pier and threw the bronze rat as far out into the lake as he could. All the other rats jumped after it and drowned.

The tourist walked back to the store.

The salesmen says, "Came back for the story, eh?"

The tourist replies, "No but I was wondering, do you have a statue of a Republican?"

what's the difference between jesus and...
 
 
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

yo mama so fat...
 
 
Yo mama so fat, she fell in love and broke it!

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