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the cowboy's wish
There was a cowboy riding down a trail on his horse and he came upon a rattlesnake. The cowboy reached for his gun and was about to shoot him when the rattlesnake said, "Don't shoot me. I am an enchanted rattle snake. If you don't shoot me I will give you three wishes."

The cowboy said, "Okay, I would like to have a face just like Clark Gable. I would like to have a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger's. And I would like to have sexual equipment like this here horse I'm ridin'."

The rattle snake said, "Alright. When you get back to the bunkhouse and look in the mirror, it will happen."

The cowboy got on his horse and rode back to the bunkhouse. He looked in the mirrior and saw a face just like Clark Gable staring at him. He ripped of his shirt and had rippiling muscles. The he ripped of his pants, looked down and yelled, "I forgot I was riding the mare!"

i nearly pissed myself
Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night having a good time, Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink. As he served the drink Bob spoke up.

"Hey Jack, you're a betting kinda man aren't ya?"

"Maybe Bob, what did ya have in mind?"

"Well Jack, I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at the end of your bar and piss into it without spilling a drop."

Jack thought to himself, "This guy must be a complete moron! There's no way he is gonna make that. This is gonna the easiest grand I've ever made." So the bartender says, "Okay Bob. You're on."

Jack walked down to the other end of the bar and positioned a shot glass on the end. He walked back behind the bar and said, "Okay Bob, Let's see what you got." Bob unzipped his fly and staring pissing all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottle of booze, and all over Jack. Jack roared with laughter and almost fell over.

Afterwards he noticed that Bob was sitting at the bar smiling. "What are you smiling at jackass? You just lost $1,000!"

"Well Jack, ya see that guy over there in the cowboy hat writing out a check?"

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Well I just bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls AND you, and not only wouldn't you be mad...you would laugh hysterically about it."

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

'Well, now,' says the old lady, 'I guess I would like to be really rich.'

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

'And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.'

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

'Your third wish?' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. 'Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?' she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, 'Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.'

lightbulb... christians
How many Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The Bible makes no mention of lightbulbs.

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