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how to annoy people in restaurants part ii
 
 
you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.

2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.

3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.)

4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying.

5. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their food back.

phone line
 
 
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, 'Can I help you?'

'Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines.'

the windy day
 
 
George set out on a very windy day to see his friend Sam who was sick in bed. Hours later, he pulled his weary body into Sam's house. Sam asked him how it was. 'I'll tell ya, it was just brutal. For every step I took forewards, I fell back two steps.'
'Then how ever did you make it over here?' Sam asked.
'Well, finally I gave up, so I turned around and headed for home.'
one-armed man
 
 
Q: How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

A: wave at him.

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