Whatever jokes

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painting stupid
One day in summer, Jack was going to visit his friend John. We he got to his house, he saw John, who was dressed in his warmest winter coats.

"What are you doing? Are you nuts? It's the middle of summer!" cried Jack.

"I am painting my house. And on the can, it says you must put two coats on."

got a cold knock knock
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch who?
Bless you. Knock, knock…
signs you are growing older
    You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  1. You turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones.
  2. You read the obituaries to find eligible women.
  3. Old ladies offer to help you cross the street.
  4. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
  5. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
  6. A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens.
  7. You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions.
  8. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  9. All the names in your little black book end with MD.
asian lady
There was an Asian lady who married an English gentleman and moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So she brought her husband to the store...because he spoke English.

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