Whatever jokes

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hide the duke
A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

the secret of speed
Plane: How do you fly so fast?

Rocket: You'll know when your ass is on fire!
one day a hunter was walking...

One day a hunter was walking through the woods and spotted an Indian Chief being chased by a grizzly bear. So the hunter pulled out his trusty rifle and shot the bear, saving the Indian Chief's life.

The Chief invited the hunter back to his camp to throw him one heck of a bash for saving his life. There was plenty of food. Indians were dancing all over the place with happiness. They were smoking the peace pipe when the Indian Chief said to the hunter, "I have a very special surprise for you. I've picked 500 of my prettiest Indian maidens. You look at all of them and chose one, she will be your wife."

With this, the Indian Chief clapped his hands and out of several teepees emerged young beautiful Indian maidens. They walked in front of the hunter so he could get a better view of them. The hunter noticed that all of the maidens were topless. And with closer inspection, noticed that none had any nipples on their breasts.

'Why don't any of his maidens have nipples on their breasts?'

'What, you've never heard of the Indian Nipple-less 500?'

top ten... sleeping at desk
10) 'They told me at the blood bank this might happen.'

9) 'This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.'

8) 'Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!'

7) 'I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.'

6) 'I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.'

5) 'I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?'

4) 'Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.'

3) 'The coffee machine is broken...'

2) 'Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot...'

1) '.....in Jesus' name, Amen.'

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