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oh, god, help me find a safe house
 
 
There was a young man whose parents beat him all the time, so he went to his next-door neighbor for help.
"What about your grandparent's house?"
"They beat me too."
"What about your aunt and uncle's?"
"They beat me too."
"Well, where do you think you should live?"
"With the Oakland Raiders. They never beat anyone."
hotel fun
 
 
Bill and Joe go into a hotel. The hotel has 100 floors. The hotel manager tells them that there is only one room left and it's on the 100th floor. The guys take the room. The elevators are busted. So they take the stairs. At the 10th floor, Bill tells Joe he has something to tell him .

'Tell me upstairs,' says Joe.

When they reach the 100th floor, Joe finally asks what Bill wanted.

'We forgot the keys downstairs.'
marine get up and go
 
 
How do you kill a marine?

Throw sand against the wall and tell him to hit the beach!

two middle easterners exchange moronic lies
 
 
A Syrian guy walked into a cafe. He sees a Lebanese guy eating croissants and jam.

Syrian Guy: "Do Lebanese people eat the insides of the croissants?"

Lebanese Guy: "Of course. Why? What's wrong with that?"

Syrian Guy: "Well for your information, the insides of the croissants are firstly recycled by the Syrians then sold to the Lebanese. Now as for the jam - do you guys eat jam?"

Lebanese Guy: "Of course. Why?"

Syrian Guy: "Well, you know the fruits are firstly peeled, eaten then the peels would be then recycled and then sold to the Lebanese."

Lebanese Guy: "Do Syrians have sex?"

Syrian Guy: "Yes, of course."

Lebanese Guy: "Do you use condoms?"

Syrian Guy: "Of course. Why?"

Lebanese Guy: "Well.. when the Lebanese use condoms they recycle them and sell them to the Syrians."


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