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constipation
 
 
Did you hear about the new movie 'Constipation?'

It hasn't come out yet.
40' long and stinky
 
 
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?

Line dancing at the nursing home.

pays to be a cabbie
 
 
A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo Yok Siddy.”
Suddenly the angel standing at the gate calls out next, and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased, and proceeds through the gates.
Next, the minister steps up to the angel and the angel hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water. The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, “That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life as a minister and get nothing! How can that be?”
The angel replies, “Up here we judge on results—all of your people sleep through your sermons—in his taxi, they pray.”
you can ring my bell, ring my bell
 
 
One upon a time there was a town with a new church steeple with a bell that wouldn't ring. People came from miles around to try it. One day a small fellow came up to the priest and said, “I can do it.”

The priest said, “Okay, try it.”

The little fellow went to the steeple, took three steps back, and ran into the bell with his face. BONG!! The bell rang and he was hired.

One windy day as he took his three steps back to ring the bell, and the wind moved the bell. The little fellow missed the bell and fell out of the steeple. He landed in the middle of the plaza where people gathered to see what happened.

The priest came through the crowd and asked, “Does anyone know this fellow's name?”

Someone in the crowd replied, “I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell!”


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