 |
|
|
|
|
 | ||||
Devil: Why are you so sad?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.
Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Tab. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.
Guy: Golly!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?
Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.
Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!
Devil: You gay?
Guy: No.
Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays.
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, 'Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.'
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors."JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you."CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up."MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day."SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend."DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around."MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control."CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way)."APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled."NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality."SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left."PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos."REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect."GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
Page 147 of 497 «« Previous | Next »»