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elvis vs. jesus
 
 
  • JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.
  • JESUS was a carpenter. ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.
  • JESUS was part of the Trinity. ELVIS' very first band was a trio.
  • JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
  • JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25) ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)
  • JESUS was the lamb of God. ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.
  • JESUS' Father is everywhere. ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
  • JESUS said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink."  (John 7:37) ELVIS said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM:1957)
  • JESUS fasted for 40 days and nights. ELVIS had irregular eating habits. (eg: 5 banana splits for breakfast)
  • JESUS said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." ELVIS liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.
  • "[JESUS'] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3)  ELVIS wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.
  • JESUS said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39) ELVIS said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA 1956)
  • JESUS walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) ELVIS surfed on water.  (Blue Hawaii, Paramount:1965)
  • JESUS H. CHRIST has 12 letters. ELVIS PRESLEY has 12 letters.
  • JESUS had his famous Resurrection. ELVIS had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
  • JESUS lived in a state of grace, in a Near Eastern land. ELVIS lived in Graceland, in a nearly eastern state.
white, slimy, & horny
 
 
What's white, slimy, and horny all over?

Gary Condit!

think about it
 
 
What is the difference between a girl in a church and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in the church has a soul full of hope, and the girl in the bathtub...

blank willow
 
 
A man was walking through the forest, when he suddenly has an urge to take a piss. He came upon a field of buttercups. Thinking no one was looking, he immediately relieved himself all over the buttercups. Unbeknownst to him, Mother Nature saw the whole thing and became furious. "How dare you!", she cried, "Just for that, you won't get any butter for a whole year!" "Oh Mother Nature!", the man cried, "In that case, thank God I didn't piss all over the pussywillows!"

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