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chastity belt for the crusader's wife
 
 
A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."

So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. "What's wrong?' " he asks.

"You gave me the wrong key!"

poof
 
 
An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

'Well, now,' says the old lady, 'I guess I would like to be really rich.'

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

'And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.'

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

'Your third wish?' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. 'Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?' she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, 'Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.'

wallet and genitals
 
 
What's the space between a man's wallet and his penis called?

A waste.

roseanne
 
 
What do Roseanne and a battleship have in common?

They both need three tugs to get into their slips.


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