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roseanne
 
 
What do Roseanne and a battleship have in common?

They both need three tugs to get into their slips.

elephant encounter
 
 
Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant?

A: Apologize and wipe it off.
speed trap
 
 
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.

He later received in the mail a ticket for $40, and a photo of his car.

Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police department that contained another picture - of handcuffs.

shoes
 
 
Never say anything about a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes - because then you are a mile away and you've got his shoes and you can say whatever the hell you want about him

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