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antennas
 
 
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The ceremony was long and boring, but the reception was great!
yuppie scumdogs
 
 
A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"

"You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"

"Oh, my God!" screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"

dishwasher
 
 
What do you do when your dishwasher stops?

Kick him in the ass!
bite your tongue
 
 
What's one thing you don't tell to a vampire?

Bite me.

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