Whatever jokes

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poor house
 
 
You are so poor, thieves break in and leave things.
bill gates' honeymoon
 
 
After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.
unemployed cowboy
 
 
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?

A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
disabled swimming race
 
 
Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms the second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.

They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue the head guy. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three goddamn years I've spent learning to swim with my goddamn ears, then five seconds before the whistle, some bastard puts a swimming cap on me"


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