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long live the pope
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'".

God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE"

mexican restaurant specialty

A couple go to Mexico City for vacation and go to a famous local restaurant. They ask the waiter's opinion about what to order, and he tells them they have a special each Sunday that's wonderful, so the couple orders that.

With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping; it smells delicious and tastes even better.

The couple are delighted with their meal and ask the waiter just what the fabulous meat dish was. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate.

The couple are a bit taken aback by what they had just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it.

Six months later, the couple returns back in Mexico City and decide to go to the same same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish.

Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.

The man says, "excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this one so small?"

The waiter smiles and replies, " Well you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"

urinalotta trouble
Above the urinal, written on the wall:
Why are you looking up here? The joke is in your hand!
A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to a banquet, so they decided to give Jeeves, their butler, the night off. An hour later, the wife found the banquet to be quite boring so she left while her husband was still conversing with some of his friends. When she got home, she saw Jeeves sitting at the dining room table alone. She took him up to the master bedroom, and locked the door.
'Jeeves, take off my hat,' she said, which Jeeves promptly did. Next she told him to take off her jewelry and gloves, and he did. 'Jeeves, take off my dress,' she ordered, and he did what he was told. 'Jeeves, take off my bra and underwear,' she said, and he nervously followed her order.
'Jeeves,' she started, 'I never want to see you wearing my clothes again, or you're fired.'

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