Whatever jokes

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top ten ways the bible is out of date
 
 
10) Who the hell Begets anymore?

9) Memo to Adam: Ditch the apples, try chocolate!

8) Saint Peter wouldn't do the actual judging -- he'd hire a temp.

7) Ten plagues and God never thought of daytime talk shows?

6) All this smiting and no one filed a suit against God?

5) “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy?” -- GO FORTY-NINERS!
4) Why did Moses spend all his time parting seas when there are all those great legs out there?

3) How can you trust someone who turns water into wine?

2) Satan provides free heating, work for everyone, never evicts you and doesn't give a damn about your credit rating. This is bad HOW?

1.) Out with “Into the ark, two by two,” in with Jerry Springer love triangles!
gay men & light bulb
 
 
Q: How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One to screw it in and four to stand back and say, “That looks faabulous.”
the polish passenger
 
 
A Polish man was taking a flight on a commercial airliner. The airliner had 4 engines, which is quite normal. About an hour into the flight, a loud BOOM occurred.

The flight attendant came over the intercom and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown an engine, but there is no need to worry. We still have three engines, I repeat, we still have three engines."

Everyone stayed calm.

About another hour later, another boom.

The flight attendant comes over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown another engine, but there is no need to worry! We still have two more engines to go!"

The people stayed calm.

An hour later, the same situation. Now only one engine remained.

Then, the Polish man stood up and said outloud, "Man! If this keeps up, we could be up here all day!"

the engineer and the frog
 
 
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want!"

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want!"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"


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