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they're busy
 
 
One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.

"May I speak to your parents?"

"They're busy."

"Oh. Is anybody else there?"

"The police."

"Can I speak to them?"

"They're busy."

"Oh. Is anybody else there?"

"The firemen."

"Can I speak to them?"

"They're busy."

"So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?"

"Looking for me."

praying for the lottery
 
 
One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels down at the altar and begins to pray to God, stating that he owes many people money and asks to win the lottery. After he is done praying, he gets up and walks out.

The next Sunday he goes to the same church and pleads with God through his prayers to let him win the lottery so that he can pay these people back.

The next Sunday comes around and Shane enters the church very upset and close to tears, he kneels at the alter and asks why God is doing this to him and say's that he has asked to win the lottery for three weeks now and nothing. Suddenly there came a loud bang of thunder and God spoke, "Shane, meet me halfway: Buy a damn ticket!"

why did the gum
 
 
Q: Why did the gum cross the road?

A: Beacause it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
let's play monkey in the tree
 
 
Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

'Cause he was dead!


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