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the day after thanksgiving
 
 
It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru the house
No one was stirring not even my spouse.
With credit cards all in a neat little row
In the order of all the places I'd go
With cash in my pocket, the keys in my hand,
I grabbed all the cards and out the door I ran.


Out to the garage and into my car,
The gas gauge on empty I wouldn't get far.
I rush to the gas station to fill up with gas.
Thank God for credit cards; I was out in a flash.

On K-mart, on Target, on Kohls and more.
On Pennys, on Sears, must hit every store.
I rush in the stores with a twinkle in my eye
Thinking of all the things i could buy.

By now my credit cards were getting quite warm
But into the next store I quickly did storm.
Buying up everything within my sight
Grabbing that doll and starting a fight.
Without that doll in my hand
Out on the sidewalk I did land.
As I walked away and looked in the store
I was plum tuckered out and couldn't shop anymore.

With gifts in the car all stacked up high
I drive by the stores and the merchants wave 'bye'.
With presents stacked way up to the ceiling
my spouse was ranting, raving and squealing.
We're broke he said cuz of all your spending
Thank God this day is finally ending.
With presnts to wrap and scotch tape to find
I knew this job was gonna be all mine.

The day finally ended and i was struck with great fear
Thinking of how I'd do it all over next year.
top 13 never heard at daytona 500
 
 

13> "None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth."

12> "Tampax! Get your Tampax here!"

11> "Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!"

10> "Sex with your sister!? Man, that's sick."

9> "My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot!"

8> "Hey, you with the large breasts — out of the way! We're trying to watch a race here!"

7> "Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attaché case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone."

6> "What a coincidence, Hank — all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too!"

5> "These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert!"

4> "Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor..."

3> "Whew! No more beer for me, fellas..."

2> "Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley."

1> "...and now, singing our national anthem — international recording artist Boy George!"

tree shark
 
 
What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it drops out of a tree, it'll kill you?

A pool table.

escaped midget!
 
 
What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail?

A small medium at large!

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