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cat on a hot tin roof
 
 
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, 'I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."

The man was very upset and yelled, 'You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.'

The brother thought about it and apologized.

"So how's Mom?" asked the man.

"She's on the roof and won't come down."

lawyer on his deathbed
 
 
A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
gross, grosser, grossest ii
 
 
What's grosser than gross?
Ten babies in one mail box.

What's grosser than that?
One baby in ten mailboxes.

What's grosser than that?
Biting into a pickle and finding a vein.

What's grosser than that?
A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor.

What's grosser than that?
A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.

rubics cube
 
 
What's the similarity between a Rubics Cube and a penis?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

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